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So apparently one of the Jonas brothers has been blowing up the Internet airwaves with his rendition of “Single Ladies.”  I have not (and will not) watch this video on principle, having proudly never consumed a single piece of Jonas Brothers media.  Based on the barrage of Jonas Brothers merchandise I see every time I visit Target, however, I am already a staunch non-fan.

OMG THEY ARE SO BADASS

THAT CHECKERBOARD PATTERN IS SO EDGY, JONAS BROTHERS

However, by scrunching up my eyes, holding my breath, and rapidly sliding the video playhead back and forth, I did manage to screencapture a number of stills from the Single Ladies video.  I have compiled these stills in a photomosaic so that you can get the general gist of this travesty.

Kind of like Muybridges 1878 motion capture of the running horse.

Kind of like Muybridge's 1878 motion capture of the running horse.

So, without further ado, here is the same concept applied to Joe Jonas:

His individual facial expressions are really not to be missed.  No wonder all the girls are after him.

Take careful note of his individual facial expressions. What a looker.

Unsurprisingly, “Joe Jonas” was one of the trending topics on Twitter this evening.  Here are a few of my favorite tweets:

Real name obscured to preserve dignity.  Username retained to preserve hilarity.

Real name obscured to preserve dignity. Username retained to preserve hilarity.

joe jonas_tweet 2

Sing it, sister. Although I found the phrase "dancing to Single Ladies" to be a little extraneous.

And, best of all:

If only.

If only I did not know.

If you simply must see Joe Jonas channeling Beyonce, here’s the video.  May the Force be with you.

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Laura Ingalls Wilder is freaking hilarious.

ROTFLOL

ROTFLOL

What?  No.  Not the Laura Ingalls Wilder who wrote Little House on the Prairie.  At least, not the real Laura.

Someone on Twitter has started tweeting as the renowned author of American pioneer literature under the pseudonym HalfPintIngalls.  Whoever it is combines a wicked sense of humor with a bookworm’s knowledge of Wilder’s life and work.  Here’s a sampling of HalfPintIngalls’ delightful tongue-in-cheek humor.

On fashion:

hoopskirts

On venerated cultural traditions:

5-second-rule

On modern marvels:

amazing

On the 2008 presidential election:

barack-obama1

sarah-palin

On daily life:

diptheria

If this mysterious HalfPintIngalls is a man, I am adding him to my list of Internet crushes, along with Randall Munroe and Dan O’Brien. If you can’t get enough of HalfPintIngalls either, follow “Laura Ingalls Wilder” on Twitter.

I have never been an early bird. At home on weekend mornings, my dad usually rushes into the room my sister and I share, chirpy and all excited about some wholesome family outing he has planned. He pulls the window blinds right up, flooding bright sunlight into the room, and shouts something typically cheery like “Good morning girls! It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Just look at that sky!”, sometimes followed by a hearty rendition of the theme song from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

At this point, my sister pretends that she’s deep in REM sleep, and it generally works, because my dad latches on to me instead.  I respond by demanding one of the following:

  • “Dad.  It is TEN O CLOCK in the MORNING.  Are you MAD?”
  • “Why are you so CHIPPER?  Cheer DOWN.”
  • Or, once, at his insistence that it really was time to wake up already, “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

This morning, however, I was probably up before even my dad was. Today’s task in This Book Will Change Your Life was “Do Something Before Breakfast Today”.  Here is my morning, documented through Twitter:

tweet

5:00 am: (My alarm went off.  I frantically pawed around for the snooze button, accidentally called the second contact in my address book instead, and spent the next half hour trying to wake up before I was able to pull myself out of bed and onto Twitter.)

5:38 am: reading “this book will change your life”. today’s task: do something before breakfast. so here i am, tweeting before the break of dawn.

5:48 am: my morning paper isn’t here yet. step it up, oakland tribune. no matter. i’m going to eat a grapefruit i purchased especially for today.

6:32 am: warmed up and stretched for half an hour, not really caring how idiotic i looked, because none of my neighbors are awake yet! liberating.

6:56 am: the boyfriend, who is also following “this book will change your life”, is using his early morning to do chem homework.

6:56 am: greeting the sun. hi sun! good morning!

7:01 am: going on a run down college ave. this will be my first run in about a year, so i expect to be winded shortly. nonetheless, on a run i go.

7:55 am: a triumph: ran all the way to safeway, about a mile. bought another grapefruit. said good morning to all passersby. have huge smile on face.

this book will change your life breakfast

Later,

9:59 am: about to attempt to poach eggs for the first time. i am feeling adventurous, but not enough to freestyle it sans cookbook.

10:24: tip for aspiring egg-poachers: don’t read digg while poaching. you’ll end up with a no-shell hardboiled egg on burnt toast. round 2.

(Round 2 was, for the record, perfect.)

One thing I have noticed about waking up before the crack of dawn is how much more I’ve been able to fit into my day.  Also, the endorphins must be working, because I am what my alternate universe non-early bird self would disparagingly call “an absolute cesspool of positivity”.  I must try this again sometime.